You don’t need to treat me like a kid anymore.
It’s something we can all relate to. We finish school, graduate from uni, start our careers and our families but to our parents time almost stands still. You are still that teenager; that teenager that needs their guidance, their chastisement. Igbo proverbs rear their head at every opportunity without fail – you are still their child after all.
It definitely is an odd dynamic. To the outside world, to the Das and Dedes, your parents reel off all these accomplishments from start to finish. Like a well-rehearsed play – the scripted lines, the intonations, the pauses for dramatic effect. But to you, it’s not the same. The lines are forgotten, the substance and content of them are misplaced and you are still teenager, sef.
“Where is it you are going this late evening?! Are you vampire that you must insist on going out past 8pm?”
“So you have bought clothes/trainers again? That is not how you save ooo”
“Is it because you have graduated that you feel that you know more than I do? How many [insert your age]s are there in [insert their age]? It is only when you have reached [insert arbitrary age/arbitrary stage in life*] that you can do as you like. Come on” *quick aggressive flick of air to signal that the conversation is over* “will you do as I say?”
And 9 times out of 10, we don’t mind. It all comes from love. A desire to make sure we don’t make any unnecessary mistakes. A desire to make sure that we are set up better than they once were. There is no malice, but simply a parental instinct to do well by their child.
But it is that 1 time out of 10 that is worth talking about. That 10% which can prove quite destructive. And with that we direct you to the last quote of the three above. It is that mentality: the notion that “mama/papa know best”.
It is true. our parents do have a couple of decades on us. And as we would inform our younger selves, time is a great teacher. Those decades do provide you with reams of experience and knowledge. But things do change, processes evolve and adapt.
And we see this mentality with:
our parents: “When you have found a job and settle you can go and travel and explore”
our aunties and uncles: “Nne, biko (please) serve me first, the others can wait”
(and, at times, most detrimentally) the elders of the cultural group our adults are all a part of *After the 2 hour introductory speech, overrun by 1 hour and 50 minutes*: “Oya bring the children so that they can come and dance.”
While there are issues with the first two, we brand the last the most detrimental. To continue with the last example:
- Firstly, as we are in our 20s/30s with jobs and other financial responsibilities, we are no longer children.
- Secondly, there is next to no need to apportion time for us to dance. We listen and dance to much of the songs you listen to.
The need to distinguish between the young people and their parents means that our worth and what we can bring to the table is forever underestimated. As, oftentimes, a fresh approach and a new perspective may be what is needed for progress and for positive development and growth.
Invite us to your meetings. Invite us to contribute to your discussions, to partake in your decisions. So that we can all move together. So we can move from just talking, to motivating ourselves to action as one body to achieve our ultimate goal:
To benefit Ngwas and Nigerians everywhere.
The saying “respect your elders” reigns true within the Ngwa community. Yet respect does not mean absolute, undeterred and unfaltering deference.
“There is more than one way to skin a cat.”
And it might just be that the second, third or indeed fourth way is best.
*** What do you think? Is it the mentality of the older generation that is preventing progress or are there other reasons to consider? Comment below and join in the discussion! ***
* don’t be fooled however. As it is arbitrary, it can and does, shift as and when their latest argument calls upon it. One day when you’re 18, next day, when you’re 21. One day, when you finish uni, next when you start your own family.
Ngwas unite! 